Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
