As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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