...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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