tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
