The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
