the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
