i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did i walk over a car last night?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
