sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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