I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
