I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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