I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
