watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
