omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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