So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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