my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
