"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
