Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
