do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
