it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
