well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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