just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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