Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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