I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I deserve this hangover.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
