You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm getting married
To pizza
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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