So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
