What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
