I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i love accidental penises.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
