Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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