I puked a lego.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
