I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
