Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
