I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
