We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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