I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He shit in the fireplace
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
