Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
