I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
farters have to be the big spoon...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
