If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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