Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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