Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
