Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
