Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
