wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
