no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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