Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
