i think my tv is drunk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
