He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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