yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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