I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
