girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
