i would punch a child for taco bell
I haven't been this sober since birth.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
