I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
