Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
