Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
