im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
