there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I enjoy the company of your penis
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
