my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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