Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
