i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
