i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
