woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
