Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
